Top Ten Things I Learned While I Was Un(and|or Under)employed for (almost) Three Years

I have landed, and I am indeed grateful. After (almost) three years of classes, unemployment benefits, unpaid internships, cottage industries|freelance|part-time gigs, networking seminars, countless job applications and resume revisions — I am thrilled to say that I have a full-time job.

When I began the journey, after staying too long at “the fair” (read: my previous career), I did envision the invigorating challenge of finding a new path ahead, but I did not envision how difficult it would become. Let’s just say my timing was less than optimal, for as I was emerging resolute in my decision-making, the bottom was dropping out of our economy.

NOTE: While in the process of job-searching, I would say that I accepted most of the recommendations I was given and followed many of them, though sometimes begrudgingly. I was not always convinced. Now that I have found a job, I can see how true many of them were and|or how they culminated in my final objective… kind of like the stuff your mom tells you is good for you, but you don’t want to hear. So here goes, I’m here to tell you. Take Heed.

1. Use your time and your resources well. First and foremost, contact your local unemployment office. Don’t think of it as “unemployment”. They exist to help you achieve “re-employment”. (My home state of Minnesota has an incredible resource in their job search programs. Hopefully your state also does.) Take a class. Find a mentor. Do some soul-searching: a great free way to do this is with Marcus Buckingham’s directed online course. This was an invaluable tool for me as I searched to find a different path|new career. (Available at http://www.oprah.com/money/Marcus-Buckinghams-Career-Intervention)

2. Reach out in every direction. Perhaps most importantly, re-connect with past business acquaintances|work friends. If you are like me, you will be amazed to find how many are in the same boat. You’ll have an instant support group of like-minded talented individuals who can aid each other in the job search progress. In this situation, sharing|brainstorming|commiserating can be both therapeutic and constructive.

3. Keep your sense of humor, no matter how sarcastic.

4. Appreciate your spouse|family’s stress also. They are feeling your pain and quite possibly, added responsibilities and sacrifices themselves.

5. Get therapy. When I was stuck and couldn’t seem to move forward, therapy helped me greatly — my therapist was able to spur me to action by identifying small, logical steps for me to take. He got used to the tears of frustration. I think…

6. Take a day off. Let it go. Cry. Go for a walk. Get so mad you clean your house really well — or whatever works for you to burn off some steam. For one day, don’t peruse the job boards or obsessively check your email to see if anyone has written back.

7. Start a blog, paint, draw or journal. Start your own website. Not only are these great ways to focus your attention elsewhere, they can prove to be good portfolio items in the future.

8. Find a way to get face time. Easier said than done, but when I was finally able to do so, I got the job.

9. Surround yourself with positive and supportive influences. Read The Secret. Seriously. Though I had read it before and thought, “Yeah, I get it”, when I actually believed it, things changed. I am not saying that the book itself or the affirmation changed the universe in a miraculous way. I know for sure that it inspired me, calmed me and fortified me, so I was able to present my best self in my various interviewing situations.

10. Be grateful. Yes, grateful. Genuinely. Every day. Every morning. Every night. For your family, friends, pets, food, heat in the winter, electricity... all of it. It may sound trite (grateful for what? you may think, but then you’ll remember). It may sound simplistic. But it helps, it works, it focuses one’s energy and it gets you through another day… til that next one, when you finally do find that job.

VIVA ITALIA

Italy speaks to me: of food, art,
architecture, history and romance of all sorts. As it speaks, it beckons—a call heretofore unanswered by me.

My mother, Elena, was born in Naples, of an Italian mama and a German papa. Her childhood was split almost equally, the first half spent in Italy, and the second half in Germany. Since her mother and brother had died when she was young, her ties to Italy weakened over time, and she was more often affiliated with Germany in our minds. My father is an American-born German, so our home was often clothed in harsh guttural whispers as my parents tried to keep us from ugly truths about limited finances, troubles at work, and family gossip—but instead, made us quake in our beds at the sound.

My mother looks more Italian than she does German, and she has the combined strength of both of those tread-upon nations. Her accent is a peculiar mix of both (when I was young, friends calling the house would ask if we had a maid). Growing up, the only references to her Italian roots were her occasional Italian meals, created with the same ease as her other made-from-scratch, often German offerings—and very sporadic, occasional references to Italians in her past.

With strong ties to friends and family in Germany (where she had endured the poverties of war in heavily bombed Nuremburg), our family held closer to that heritage than any other, so I was fortunate to visit there several times during my own childhood. Though I understood the language better as I grew and took high school German classes, it still retained its element of mysterious, often dark connotations.

When time and circumstance reunited my mother with some of her Italian roots and she freshened her skills in that language, I was treated to its more poetic, romantic sounds. It sounded like the sunlight I imagined there.

When I was an adult, my parents began to visit the northern part of Italy annually to visit friends, and upon their return, their transformation always surprised me. Hard working folks who never had it easy, they appeared to become giddy with delight, like honeymooners with a secret, on their Italian trips. They spoke of Italians singing with joy as they walked the streets and worked at their jobs there. My father, a performer by any definition, played the role in countless detailed practical jokes perpetrated by their friend Enrico while they visited there. My mother, a moral compass of sorts, also gave way to abandon, “sleeping” through border crossings when she forgot her passport, talking her way into a private home they had heard had a great view, and in general, supporting the antics of the men’s farces as they wreaked havoc on Enrico’s hometown of Vicenza. After a few days or weeks, their heightened sense of fun would gradually fade, until they were back to their typical lives here, often struggling very hard to survive each day.

I haven’t made it to Italy as of yet. So far, it has remained a dream, a bit of an ideal, further romanticized by art history slides, many movies, and my own daughter’s high school trip there. I will get there, I am just not sure when. Until I do, I often wonder about the slim heritage I share from my Neapolitan grandmother, Tina Maria Comporeale, whose name alone conjures exciting romantic images in my suburban middle-western mind.

What if I were meant to be there? I often feel my mother was, that her life would have undoubtedly been sunnier and more carefree than it has ever been here.

What it I am more Italian than I am German? What if I am meant for that lighter, brighter, loftier version of life? I grew up loving aspects of my German heritage and its culture, landscape and food, but what it I find Italy and know that it is home? (Picture Katharine Hepburn in Summertime’s Venice, minus the creepy, albeit handsome married love interest, Rossano Brazzi. Or Audrey’s Roman Holiday, no need to exclude the Gregory Peck in this dream.)

I am sure that when I set foot on Italia’s warm sunny soil, I will know. I will be home and I will know it and in turn, I will be more beautiful, more heartfelt, more artistic, and in general, just an all around better person.

When I get there, I’ll let you know.

Jesus Applies Himself

Written for my friend, who is:

Unemployed, Like Me—
Who Phone Interviewed for a Very Well-Suited Position
And
Was Turned Away, Like Me

Jesus Christ walks into (in our case, a local home furnishings retailer, but you may insert the name of any prospective employer here) and says, "I hear you have a (in our case, visual, but you may insert the name of any sort of employment here) position open. I'm pretty creative." The Human Resources representative said they would prefer to arrange a telephone interview rather than speak with him in person. Jesus said, "That is fine, as I can be everywhere at once."

Jesus looked forward to the interview, and even cut short his vacation in Mexico to make the appointment. Afterwards, it appeared to the Lord in a vision that the conversation went swimmingly. The recruiter was warm and friendly and told him about what a great place (the home furnishings store in our case, but insert any corporate location here) was to work. Jesus thought, "And this is good, for shelter is important to my huddled masses."

Time passed.
Seven days and seven nights.

The recruiter called Jesus back and said, "Jesus, I know I told you I would get back to you by the end of the week, and I just wanted to let you know that the process is taking a bit longer than we first thought, but we will get back to you soon." Jesus said, "Let me tell you a couple of things about myself that aren't on my resume or my LinkedIn profile." The recruiter said, "Sure, go ahead, Jesus, if you think it is germane to our decision-making process."

So Jesus continued, "I am not sure you recognized my name when I first applied, but millions refer to me as the King of Kings, or the Savior. I hate tooting my own horn, but once, I turned water into wine. That is just how good, creative and resourceful I am. I look at every 'problem' as an 'opportunity'." The recruiter appeared to be attentive and interested in Jesus' credentials, and wanted him to elaborate.

Jesus spoke.

"I have some visual experience...I have taught the blind to see. I also have adhered to ADA guidelines, by teaching the lame to walk." When she asked Jesus to describe a conflict that he had experienced at work and how he had resolved it, he thought for a moment and replied, "I was at a corporate retreat once, and the event coordinator had not ordered enough food for the group. I was able to take one loaf of bread and feed all of the corporate execs at the meet and greet."

The recruiter smiled and said, "That sounds great. Tell me a little about your work habits." Our Saviour replied, "Well, I have a strong sense of urgency and I am very conscientious. You will never have to worry about me not showing up for work. You might even say, that no matter how ill I have been feeling, I would rise from the dead to fulfill my obligations."

She posed a hypothetical to Jesus, about a logistical issue that might occur in a retail setting. "How would you handle it if you were the acting store manager and the winter thaw and spring rains caused the store to flood, during the seasonal floor set?"
"Why, that one is too easy," said Jesus. "I would do as I always do, nothing out of the ordinary. I would take it in stride, and walk on water in order to satisfy my customers' needs and get the floor set done on time." The recruiter went on to explain, "When we do those seasonal floor sets, if you were the Visual Manager, you would be in charge of mapping the store and determining adjacencies."

Jesus thought.

"Well, yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death (i.e. corporate doublespeak), I also have the capability and life experience to think outside the box. Since I am a self-starter who needs little direction, I am confident that I could execute the plan both effectively and efficiently."

Days passed.

The recruiter phoned Jesus again and said, "Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour, though we appreciate and value your experience and skill sets, we have decided to go in another direction. There are just so many candidates who are so much better than you—as people—and more qualified for the position. Their skill sets are better matched to our needs."

The next day, Jesus got a call from his friend the Holy Ghost, who was excited about applying for the exact same position he just saw freshly posted on Career Builder. The Holy Ghost had recently been laid off by another home furnishings retailer, and was thrilled to be able to apply for this rare and intriguing new opportunity.

And Jesus wept.


Oh, and by the way, the Holy Ghost didn't get the job either.